Ive been reading Wendell Bery.
And in that context:
My life, and the lives of many of my friends, seem to be in many ways constantly in a state of flux. Always moving, always changing, always becoming "more". And we pursue this intellectual, emotional, and personal exploration in a very interesting way. we have been raised with a higher level of education that any generation before, exposing us to so many different ideas, theories, and trains of thought that our intellectual lives become a sort of buffett from which we get to choose what we think is best. and in the name of enlightening ourselves, we are free and encouraged to change these values at any point in our lives. A times it feels that we have become a generation of self-analyzers. It is considered a mark of true intellectual development to be one who can disconnect from your mind (and soul at some points) and try out or delve into anything you wish in a type of scientific exploration of the self.
For example. In my own life "Change"has been to the one constant I keep track of where I am by. If I were to trace the origins of the things that lend me the capability to move first 300 miles from home and then 1800 miles from where I was born, Im pretty sure my mind would be blown. The same is true with the books i read and the news I keep track of. I am connected in a way that allows me to take in a synthesize information like no one ever before. and I am not alone. These things are true for an entire generation of people just like me. We are allowed to change, to move, to have some sort of linear motion in our lives.
This idea holds great possibility. If i can change whenever I like, I can move from a bad place to a good place, bad ideas to good ideas, and bad experience to good. the same is also true the other way around however. I am free to move from good to bad at will. and this is the balance of our lives. the place where we find that all of our knowledge and self-analyzation comes from. the need to know when to move forward, or to stay still, or to change position. because we are so intellectually, geographically, and spiritually mobile, we must call on the science of our seperated minds and souls to find out what move is best next.
"seperate, dissect, and find the truest way. seperate, dissect, and find the best way. seperate, dissect, and find the most advantageous way." -the mantra of our inner life
but what about those before us? those who had access to limited information, limited mobility, limited chance for what we percieve as "growth"? did they experience the same levels of self-analyzation? the same tension in the heart of one who has so many options that it becomes overwhelming? the "blessing" of choice?
Was their life better? Worse? different for sure.
even asking this question I am doing the very analyzation that I am talking about here.
if their life was better, how to I return myself to simplicity while remaining happy about limiting myself?
if worse, how to I reconcile this need for slowness, groundedness and rooting that I feel within myself to the benefits of living in my mobile world?
(this is where things get personal)
i do feel the need for these things (see last paragraph). things like long term friendships not altered or starined by moving. a sense of constant place that is not perfect, granted, but is where I am from. a feeling of putting myself deep into the world around me, to not just pass by in the viewing car of the train of post-modernism. to sit and stay for a long long long while. play my guitar. eat my food. talk with my friends. love my wife. be still. know my Gods quiet voice.
but how do i get there without utilizing the tools of mobilization i am so accustomed to using? Is it possible to live that life without some sense of better/worse? I realize this is an old zen kind of question. but Im asking it. I want to just live a life. like I imagine those before me living. making decisons based not on global movements or foreign ideas, but on my community around me and how I relate to it.
making music for my community. eating food from my community. living near friends from my community. being a part of a physical, real, place and time. i would like this.
maybe this is rambling, but i dont care. its my blog. haha.